What Am I? What Made Me?

Saturday mornings on my grandmother's porch with fried sweet potatoes for lunch;

The smell of tobacco curing during the summer;

My grandmother saying, "You don't have to go to sleep tonight. Just close your eyes and rest."

My grandfather building a fire at 6:30 every morning and drinking coffee;

My grandfather and I watching Gene Autry and Captain Kangaroo in the mornings;

Going to church every Sunday;

I was age 6 before I realized that "chester draws" was actually "chest of drawers" and "chillun" was "children;"

Then-

Helping care for my grandmother as she aged;

Spending weekends with her;

Visiting her every week in Rehab and a nursing home;

Visiting my Aunt Hazel, her sister, every week and sending her money each month;

Then-

Spending weeks in the hospital with my mom when she was ill;

I slept in the ICU waiting room and showered in the nearby empty rooms at 4:00 each morning. Three Christmases were spent in the hospital. I remember her staring through me saying, "I can't live with this pain. I can't live like this anymore." I asked her doctor if he could manage her pain. He said no. My dad kept telling me that we would get through this. Five months after my mother died, she came to me in a dream. She told me she did not want me to worry about her. She was in a much better place and she was out of pain.

Then-

Helping my husband take care of his mother and her two sisters;

They were all ill at the same time;

Nursing homes, hospitals, nursing homes, hospitals;

They were such elegant ladies when I first met them. They loved lively conversation and politics, and they loved to laugh. They loved family and friends.

Then-

The last aunt living with us for 5 years;

She was actually my favorite sister. There were five sisters in all---beautiful girls in their day. We loved to go out to dinner, and we loved our glass of wine and good conversation in the early evening. Her health gradually declined.

They are all gone now. I would give just about anything for one Sunday afternoon with all of these wonderful people who made me what I am.